I have something to say finally…

I know you’ve been missing my rambles as I’ve been on my post 40 before 40 hiatus.

I’m back ___________ (I kind of wanted to add a word that rhymes with itches here, but I refrained).

Sort of.

Keeping it PG people.

Sort of.

So a bunch of people asked me if I was going to be depressed after completing my 40 before 40 adventure bucket list. Or they asked what I would write about now? Or if I would keep adventuring?

I’m here to answer all your burning questions…

I’m not depressed. I’m relieved. And proud. And sort of exhausted. So I took a little break.

For the people who wondered what I would write about, DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME?

When don’t I have things to say? I mean if I’m always talking about myself and I am myself so….how would I ever run out of things to say? 

Finally, will I keep adventuring? Heck yeah! I have an ambitious bucket list. The next ten years will be my greatest travel challenge: 50 before 50. Yep all 50 states before I turn 50.

No big deal.

Only 36 more to go. An average of 3.6 states per year. I’ve got this.

But I don’t want to talk about that today. 

Today I want to talk about how life is one big adventure and nobody makes it out alive.

And while that sounds dire and probably a little dark, I simply mean there is no time to waste.

Literally none. Not a second.

Eat the cake if you want to. Say I love you every day. Smile. Laugh. Scream if you want. Take the trip.  Stand or sit or kneel or whatever for what you believe in. Use your voice. Be kind always. And take care of yourself. 

Don’t allow life to pass you by. Because it will if you let it.

My daughter just moved into her college dorm.

I’m not sure how that happened so fast, because I’m pretty sure I was just a scared 21 year old giving birth five minutes ago. 

Yet here we are. Almost 19 years have passed and so so much has happened. Good things, bad things, happy things and sad things and everything else in between.

But we did it.

Raised one heck of a kid who’s now chasing her dreams. 

But no baby book can prepare you for the moment you drive away after moving your child out of your home.

To know they will never really live full time with you again (well we certainly hope not anyway). I mean, secretly we kind of do because we can better keep them safe when they are with us. But not really because if they don’t venture out on their own we’ve sort of failed. Maybe we just want to hit rewind for a moment. Or pause. 

See here’s the conundrum…

We spent those 18 years teaching, guiding, cheering, disciplining, loving, and supporting with the goal of raising independent, productive, successful humans.

When we do (high fives all around) they have to leave. Otherwise, they really aren’t independent, productive, succesful humans.

And without sounding dramatic (as she’s only an hour away) that drive away from that campus was a tough one. 

I ugly cried almost all the way home. 

I finally dried my tears (thank you waterproof mascara because my eyelashes were still looking mighty fine) and my snot (thank goodness the husband had a random roll of toilet paper in the truck).

Then I ugly cried all over again when we pulled up and I realized her car wasn’t in the driveway and no longer would be every night.

Then sniffled my way into the house and as I walked by her room realized, I wouldn’t be yelling at her to turn off her light or pick up her towel (maybe her roommate will do that for her now).

The next morning as I was loading umpteen million cups in the dishwasher, realized that I wouldn’t have to nag her to put them in the dishwasher rather than the sink (I will of course still have my husband and son to nag for that).

And every time the door opens, I remember it’s not her. 

And the list goes on.

Life as we know it has changed.

And it’s not a bad thing. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Because something good is happening. Life. 

She is living it.

We just have to adjust to this new version.

To our girl:

You’ve got this. No one is stronger or more brave. Chase your dreams. Work hard. Make yourself proud. Live. Experience. Adventure.

For this time shall pass quickly and you don’t want to waste a second of it. Also you’ll have to start working and paying bills and that part of adulting kind of sucks. So take full advantage of this chapter in your book.

But make sure you get enough sleep. And take your vitamins. And drink lots of water. And please don’t walk anywhere by yourself in the dark. Keep that pepper spray with you always.

And I promise not to text every 5 minutes, even though I literally want to know what you are doing every second of every day.

But most importantly, you don’t have to be perfect. Allow yourself to fail. Learn from your mistakes. Be yourself. You are human after all and our imperfections are what make us beautiful.

To the rest of you, my faithful readers who may or may not have missed my ramblings:

I heart you. 

Carry on with your living. 

And so shall I…