Yes. This happened.
I have successfully avoided all forms of large group embarrassment during my years teaching at the middle school.
Until this year.
Apparently, me blogging 40 adventures before 40 requires me to take on challenges that are WAY out of my comfort zone.
Let me share all my excuses first:
- I like attention. But only when I look good. For example, I do not look good when resembling a drowned rat.
- I don’t do bathing suits. In public. Unless it’s over 85 degrees and I’m desperate. Yeah, yeah…this is where I’m supposed to exude confidence and be proud of my mom bod. Sorry folks, baby steps along this journey still have me stuck in self-loathing bathing suit behavior.
- Mascara is necessary. And I don’t approve of it getting ruined by either tears or any other liquid form.
- I’m a germ-a-phobe. The thought of being dunked into gallons of what is essentially someone else’s dirty bath water is disgusting. Like I gag while thinking about all the little microorganisms floating around in that cesspool (don’t even get me started on the hair that may be found in the aforementioned tank. And I immediately feel the urge to bathe in hand-sanitizer.
So all that said. Here’s how this went down…
Earlier in the year, I decided if I was going to ever participate in the winter spirit assembly it would be this year. My year of adventures. So I signed up and played basketball against my son who continues to rub it in that I missed all those baskets. “What kind of a basketball player are you anyway?” Even though the words weren’t spoken aloud…I can read them in his eyes. But I’m glad that I could provide laughing enjoyment for 600 students, a bunch of parents and all my fellow colleagues. I mean what else am I here for?
Then, my good friend Kathy went and had to be the hero and sign up for the dunk tank. I never sign up for that stuff. Ever. Except, I’d already broken my rule earlier in the year. And here I am, writing all this nonsense about “try new things”, “don’t be afraid to fail”, “just do it” and all that. How can I self-respectfully say all that and continue to avoid looking ridiculous in front of the entire school? I can’t be a darn hypocrite.
So with Kathy’s (not so welcome) encouragement, I signed myself up for my worst nightmare and gave excuse #1 the big middle finger (again).
Then I planned my outfit. If I was going to embarrass myself it most definitely would not be in a bathing suit. Nope. No way. Too many opportunities for wardrobe malfunctions. So I’d own this adventure in a ridiculous outfit. Full pants, long-sleeved shirt, life jacket and safety goggles. Excuse #2 can suck it.
Excuse #3 was easy. I simply wore waterproof mascara. It wasn’t really that great of an excuse anyway.
Finally, when I signed up it was under the singular clause that I would be the first one in the tank. Not second. Not third. Not after any other human. Sorry friends. I love you all. You’re great teachers and people, but I draw the line in shared baths, germs and hairs.
One teacher tried to beat me to the tank (using my well-articulated excuse #4 and a momentary panic and inner dialogue began. “Will I quit, if I don’t get my way? Oh no. I can’t waste this opportunity to adventure and do something new that I’ve never done. But is it worth it? Nope. Can’t do. But wait. I must”.
The inner struggle was real.
But alas, when I made my way to the tank, no one was there yet.
Okay, I didn’t.
But I did walk fast.
And by climbing that ladder and planting myself on that slippery little platform, I gave excuse #4 a flush down the toilet (or more likely a dunk in the tank). Get it? A dunk in the tank…like me. BAHAHAHA.
Except the joke was kind of on me because when the teacher whom I beat to this terrible activity arrived to see me sitting on that platform, I made an unattractive and immature face and said, “ha, ha, ha”.
To which he promptly (right after this video) hit the bullseye with his hand and dunked me.
It wasn’t all that bad. I laughed. I swallowed water (let’s not think about that). I taunted kids who then proceeded to dunk me. My timing is always impeccable and I again accomplished something I’ve never done.
However this is one of those adventures that is checked off forever. I’m good. No need for a repeater.
My future students will have to take out their anger about homework, boring reading assignments, Bill Nye videos (which I seriously don’t get how they can not love as much as I do), the intelligence lines of their safety goggles that YES YOU MUST WEAR EVERY TIME WE DO A LAB, and all other various ways that I’ve tortured them in class on some other teacher victim.
I’m just teasing about Kathy’s not so welcome encouragement. I love that she motivates me to step out of my comfort zone. She’s so funny and supportive and I swear we’ve known each other longer than a year. There’s no one I’d rather be dunked with. Or before. But those are just pesky details.
Until next time,